i break porcelain and i break benjamin as well. (this has nth to do with any benji's!just a title)

what a fucked up day.
Today is just not the day for me. It may have started off well in school and then after school. But it sure it isn't when I got home. School life isn't my life, I think that whatever I do in school is just a facade. I don't believe that I'm alive in school, I'll just live life day by day in school be a normal student and obey all the fucking stoopit rules.


Went to JM's house today, dad picked me up(oh so nice) and sent Sarah home as well. When I got home I wanted to go to the gym but something happened to my shitfuck computer and it got jammed and stuck and whatever shit. It made me procrastinate today! DARN! I have given up on tha fucked up shitface computer. I'll just deal with dad's lappy till it dies.



Home, I am, it was time to eat dinner when I came back. So I ate downstairs in the living room so as I can watch my 7 O' clock show. The shit chair SUCK! The table with the food and bla after I'm done is on the table. So I wanted to squat on the chair, don't know what God knows the leg rest of the chair just POPed OUT! hitting the table front, causing it to fall and the BREAKABLE bowl, spoon and saucer BROKE. fucked up DAD yelled at me! Not as if I said fuck in front of him when everything collapse. I did no shit wrong! The fucking OLD chair is just faulty. HE JUST HAD TO YELL AND BLAME ME FOR IT. He helped me clean it though, with a screwed up look and blabbering, ya-dah, ya-dah...


IF THIS IS SO THEN DON'T HELP ME! JUST fucking LEAVE ME ALONE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS I MADE! I mumbled, 'then don't help me la' which I think he heard, but ignored. I decided not to be rude so I turned around and said fuck discreetly to the FLOOR! and the steps and the chair.
Got a cloth, wet it and cleaned it with all the broken pieces of glass on the floor. I wish it would cut me and I will bleed.


When mom knew about it, she yelled at me too saying why am I like this and like that, PLEASE I'm FREAKING 17 !!! Don't I get a mind of my own?(whats done is already done) When I told her that I failed my first Chinese test, it got worse. WHY BLAME ME WHEN WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO AFFORD TUITION. fuck. I know I may have all the freedom in the world when it comes to going out and doing what so ever outside. But please have a thought for me on the inside, I still do need someone to care about me and spare a thought for me. I would let go the freedom I have right now for a simple loving family life or even for a day of peace and quietness with no yellings. With the understanding that I'm NOT that young baby girl anymore, I've grown up! (this just brings me to tears)
;give me wings so I can fly so high.

Later on, Towey called and kept on saying that she's upset and unhappy with the timings that we have and we've been telling her that we'll be going and we kept postponing the tuition dates. She even said that she's kept the slot for us for a LONG time and have missed a month of salary from us. She's so proud by even saying that if we don't want to come its okay, and she has many other people that wants the slot we're having. FUCK YOU, FAT BITCH! If this is so, then I'll show you that I can do it on my own when you say I can't!

I'm so fucking pissed with everybody right now.
;OMG I wish I am like her as skinny as a bamboo pole.
ANOREXIA, the path I'm heading towards.

-I'll be anorexic;own tattoos and piercings all over me till my ascending day.