Life shorten. To Rah:

Without my friends, I tell you Joy Chang is like dead. Bye Rah.
Rah has left. Rah, I miss you so so so much!
Rah Rah Rah. Can we settle a time on Skype?
I miss you hearing me rant about nonsense assholes! I miss hanging at your crib doing nonsense when you can't go out. I miss you texting me and calling me. I miss shopping with you, hanging with you, drinking with you, gossiping with you and what not.

Saturday was a really bad day for me Rah. I went to Fasten Your Seat Belt at The Substation. Caracal was good, Allura's inch was hot so was their songs, West Grand as usual was West Grand, and they all were good plus awesome! Alright I know you're like thinking I don't know and have never heard of any of these bands haha check it out on myspace dear good!
So I met one two of Chloe's friends. It's a small world after all. Her friend, Gerald(this time I got it right), knows like ahem ahem ___ and like was once in their band. haha What a small tiny smelly world(like tell me about it) which is like miniature. Alright so yep.
By the way Rah, Chlo got inked!! Her name on her wrist, literally smacked cool woot!

Anyway Rah my point is that I felt really weird when he told me that ___ is going to be at Substation. I acted cool like oh okay really? I saw him from afar then I saw him right in front(diagonally) of me. I really do do do believe that he actually saw me too but wasn't sure and was rude(cause he didn't actually say hi) like a BOH-ZOH.

ahhhh and then.. I don't know I'm on skype with you now...lOVE!!

So it was visible.

Dead is just a word. Evidence is another word.
Would you want to give me another word.
Dumb is another word. Stupid once again is another word. Idiot another word. Retarded, crazy, out of my mind, ridiculous, wrong, bad, gone...
SCREAMS!

all for the fun I had, I had to learn it from you but I was smarter.

imy.

i miss you more every single day when I view friendster.com and when it says: ''i think about cigarettes all the time.'' it makes me smile and grin to myself daily cause it reminds me of the days you spend every cent on them.







p.s/you may ask me again why i still like a guy that smokes and ignores the world around him.

loserinlove

I have just found out many many things about ... never mind I don't want to blog about it anymore. Anyway, the point was that, he's such an asshole and a fucker. Period.

Boredom comes into the frame.

When you start work at 1030 at C.K Tangs Departmental Store. There's definitely not much mortals. Nonetheless when you work on the third floor of the departmental store a.k.a Technobay, there's definitely not much crowd dudes! But opposite me over at the men's and branded section, ohh definitely there are way lot more people. Maybe the grass is greener on the other side, hurhur, humour me. And then....
You actually realise that C.K Tang does not consist of much aunties!(I mean like the auntie-aunties) Even if so, they're like well-to-do kind of aunties. Awesome huuh! Maybe C.K Tang is like... I don't know.. (haha) a different mall.

Okay lets weigh it all out, since like I'm so bored right now at home, trying not to go to bed cause.. I'm NOT working tomorrow(haha). Back to weighing it out, Isetan is like the Japanese Crowd or like the 'O! There's a SALE/Promotion/Fair going on only at Isetan' people. Takashimaya is like the Japanese People as well as passerby and high-end people, going for their brands there or like maybe because it's well-known, and common? and convenient. Metro is like for essentials? (anyway it ain't that popular anymore). Robinson's is like a place for prim and proper to do their shopping? and a little of essentials as well and not to forget the auntie-aunties! trying to be in the scene! (no offence! apologies!) John Little has turned to an auntie-aunties place already, gosh! And... I will not speak for OG. Although OG is quite like WOW now, errr I guess only the one in Orchard, other outlets.... oooooo...... Lastly, remember Seiyu? Now they have re-named themselves as BHG.. but I still prefer Seiyu.
Is that all for the Departmental Stores in Singapore? I think so.. cause I can't think of anymore. So we'll just deal with all these, if they're not in my mind, then I guess they ain't popular. lols
[gosh! Feeling a little bitchy inside and like... oh! Maybe I have like been like reading gossip news over the Internet and they're AWESOME! hahaha ]

Celebrity Gossip News is just all so AWESOME! Know more about Britney Spears and Paris Hilton!!! Juicy! What about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden? Yummy! Oh Oh OH Amy Winehouse and other 'not so famousy' taking drugs. Kate Moss nude? Jennifer Love Hewitt showing her extra baggage in a bikini. Hayden(cheerleader from Heroes) trying to be in the scene, showing off her undies(in s'pore accent, zao geng), boobs, lesbian act, NOT with MILO(Peter Petrelli) anymore, and pose for the Paparazzi. What else...?? HahHA FIND OUT YOURSELF!

OH! Back to the point on why I'm blogging haha. What a Prawn-head I can be(in canto) haha. So I was just standing at the counter idling around as I've done what I am to do... count stock, record stocks, clean display and ya-dah ya-dah... I stood there and watched the "crowd", okay lets call them people. I stood there as I watched people pass me. Greet all with smiles and identify their looks, haha oh how bored I can get right? {f.y.i: I stoned for about an hour plus on my first day of work and surprisingly time past fast} So what I do is.. "omg. why is her skirt so short? Gross you can see her thighs." yes horrible me! "Oh... nice bag!!! Oh it's COACH." "Oh is that bag Balenciaga? Nah... the studs look fake. Oh she's such a fakeo!'' ''I LOVE HER GUCCI BAG! Nice-ness!'' ''eeeeeeee that baby is so cute'' ''oh that guy is buying something for his girlfriend. So sweet! Oh but bad dressing!'' '' I like his skinnies! He looks nice in em'' and BLAH BLAH BLAH! Okay I'm like commenting on others... forgive me... I was bored!!!!!!
I'm paid to stand and read a 'FEMALE' magazine, good huuh, but my heel(the sole of my feet?) is killing me!

I SOLD A WATCH TODAY!!! and I'm utterly HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY, ECSTATIC!!!! Thank You God! I love God!!

I predicted your ways. How predictable can you be? Rude shit. I was so dumb of not listening to ... and carried on with what I had in mind thank God I didn't embarrass myself and I'm feeling quite alright. You are lovely at times but not this time. I'm nice! (I said he's lovely) Something must be wrong with my mind. Stop signing in and out of MSN first with one nick and then a change! Brainwash this part of my memory with you in it. IT WAS JUST A SIMPLE QUESTION!!! Was it so hard to answer? NS NS NS. pissed, I'd tell you, pissed. Happy to see me pissed? Cause I AM! Argh (green-faced)

Alright I guess I would stop blogging right now. It's such a long post! Boredom takes you down to blogging. Quite enjoyable at times and quite tedious at times. haha

Christmas Wish list?? ::

1.Polaroid Camera- approx. $110-120
(can be found at Far East Plaza's Vintage shop or InQbox, there's a website too,
lomosapien if I'm not wrong.)

2.Scarves.
(a nicely printed scarf, with comfortable material)

***NO gift cards/vouchers please!!! ***
Unless its like GAP/TANGs cause I've got some and have not used them, so with more I can like combine them, lols.

3.Chuck Taylors
(preferably a grey/(red)campaign/black leather)

4.TIME CAPSULE building with my girls
(tell me time, date to shop for materials!!, venue as well)
Much love!!! Oh I've got a suggestion as well!!!
Lets all make FRIENDSHIP BANDS haha MAKE 4!
one to be in the capsule and the other 3 to be given out.
And you have to make it all the same to identify that it's yours!

5. Do they give Ang Baos on Christmas? lols
Forget what I said. haha

Thats all I guess! Yes like what Sarah said... Please post your wish list somewhere so we'll know what to buy!!! Err... Make sure there are no repeats haha.

OH! Who wants to go Christmas shopping with me!
Probably next week or the week after. Preferably a Tuesday/Wednesday on Week3 and a.. thats all the choices. Gosh! The month passes so fast! Oh the Year as well. Oh tian! I may not have those days free as I might be working. I pray and hope I have time for Christmas Shopping!

Good Night to you lovelies!!

I dreamt about you... anditwasabaddream,thtIcriedbadinawayofntanymishapsbtbadinawaytatunibthloved.

bad me.

I did something very wrong today.
and it reminds me of you

offline.

Is conversing offline our only way of communicating?

The mortal I love.

He's musical, and I hope whoever sees this doesn't know who the hell this f*c*e* is.

By the way Rah Rah if you're reading this, text me after that. Remember me saying that I feel I might meet him somewhere near I'd go. Guess what I found out! He was really so near as he had a gig nearby. ):

If he's seeing this, I'd tell you even if I met you I would be seriously embarrassed and speechless. The most we would do is just sit at one corner and fag. Like what we did before and questions would thrown back and forth at each other. Common, absurd and typical questions like, so how's life? school? and ya-dah ya-dah... Is that all that is between us? To such a small extent? Maybe.

Question then, what attracts me to you? You ain't that cute. You ain't attractive. You're typical. You're just you. So... is it that I'm crazy or mental. Don't tell me that love is blind. Its just ludicrous that imu. arghhh this is so frustrating.

I'm vexed ://

joylovesyoubenjaminongkaichuan!

Insanity

When will I ever be able to get you out of my head.
I hate to fall in love. I bet you'll have heard this before; It takes a second to fall in love but its takes forever to get out of love.
If you've never heard of this before, I will be the first to tell you this.
I hate to love. Hate to keep thinking of you.
I need a distraction, a distraction away from you.
Bokc. There is no word in the dictionary can describe you; maybe there is but I just don't know what it is.
Arghhh.. My anger just need to be vent out. Every time when we're close and I try to close the gap between us, you'll just walk out on me. Why? When I ask to know you more, you said that's not the way and you just won't tell me. You just won't put in any other effort. What is it that you want. There's nothing more that I can do. nothing... nothing... absolutely nothing...

the TRUTH is the TRUTH

IT'S TRUE!!! it's true that that girl is his g.f! omg!!!
I'm serious! this lian friend he has commented on his friendster saying that why is there so many comments by this pretentious person's love! (OMG!mega LIAN) then I went to view that lian!(I CAN'T BELIEVE I bother!-maybe.....whatsoever) and he replied saying something like.."haha cause she's my girl.."
IT'S CONFIRM!! OMG!
my heart is thumping so badly I can barely feel my hearbeat.. I dont know what am I feeeling maybe I still do have feelings for him. But right now he has someone already..So I guess I'll just move along and let him go.. That's what I'm telling myself but am I doing it? ACTIONS REALLY DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! I hate LOVE

jealousyy is fuck

zomg! he's like gotten himself a g.i.r.l.f.r.i.e.n.d! fuck yes! I so want to ask him but... it seems that when I found out this matter.. he's offline already. SLOW SHIT ME! but i'm so jealous SO effing JEALOUS. but i'm glad there's actually someone that can love him!! and I pray that she doesn't break his heart(vice-versa) teeheehee I just so jealous that i'm not the one. Thank God! that when I went to town today he wasnt there playing... and was at Ngee Ann City, although I felt that he was somewhere nearby. Or else I'll be totally embarrassed and speechless. I don't know how nervous I was when I passed the band playing. crap! How dumb can I get!

;confession of a teenage dumb queen

A girl can confess so directly to you, telling you that she likes you and wants your attention.

But what do you do?-idontknow.

(how i wish i can just tell her not to waste her time on you when she know tens&thousands of other guys that are cuter and much more handsome than you are plus i believe a better character as well...)

OMG tell me, please tell me what suave-ness do you have?

What's your secret?

What do you have to say to the females that they're all SO SO attracted to you.

Their hearts are like metal and you're like the magnet.

Just attracting everything and not letting anyone go.

You have turned girls heart hard and cold.(metal)

To me you have hurt me terribly but I just cant forgive you.

After you, I have not believed in love and ...lost my sense of thinking

You're such a suckerfucker

.IHATEYOU.

:stop breaking hearts when yours is shattered//

JOY are you CRAzY?

nope I'm not.
I'm just missing him and he misses someone as well;and I know I just know its not me.
How can he say too.. when my blog doesn't give hints directly? Is he that smart in these kind of things? Oh and he doesn't even remember my blog why would he even come and visit !!! (does he even know I own a blog?) I don't know.
But isn't it such a coincidence ??

boy:

baby boy you stay on my mind and fill my fantasy.
baby where'd go i love you so.
please tell me you love me too
you make me hate you and love you even more.

many things unsaid

should I leave them unsaid?
Did I leave those things unsaid or is it you?

I WISH SOMEBODY CAN TELL ME!!!!!

Shimada and I have been thinking and talking about it the whole entire day, on why can't we understand these kind of guys. Not only that. Why do we still like them so much after what they have done to us.

I dreamt about you;I really did

I dreamt that you quit smoking for no bloody reason.
I had a feeling it was me.
But I was unsure.
I wish God would let me continue in this dream to find out the true reason.
Your friend made friends with my friend.
We were in two places first in Clarke Quay and second we're in Velocity, Novena Sq.
Its rather freaky that I can remember the places and the faces.
I felt proud of you that you did it.

I think the thought of quiting have been in your mind ever since that day when we MSNed.
Your personal messages are always so random, unclear and confusing.
I now see that you're a random person.
When I read them I will always wonder and think what does that mean.
I have been thinking why?
or, How?
Why guys are not straight forward/How come guys are not direct??
If I confronted you would you answer me?
If you don't, when we meet its going to be awkward. (will we ever)

I regretted.
Regret that I tried, out of curiosity.
The saying goes, "Curiosity Kills The Cat".
Now it'll go, "Curiosity Killed Joy".
What if you do quit and decided to tell me everything you've went through and start afresh.
And during that period of time, I ciggy.
Will you still love me? As I didn't change and you did.
I'm sorry. ( why am I apologising?)

I'll let you understand, musique.

I don't know why I bother talking to you. I feel dumb whenever I talk to you cause. I don't know in fact. I know this answer does not help and it does not solve my ownself as well. Maybe its cause I still have feelings for you and I have not let go when I have told myself I did.
Why does our conversation have to be like this all the time? (my heart hurts, literally) What happened to all the hee hee, hahas and lols. And all the mundane stuff we talk about, from going to one place, doing this and that, telling each other crap. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL FOR YOU. I hate it when you're suddenly sweet. Like just now when I say I'm stooopit and I ask stooopit question, you say that I'm one of the smartest girl you probably ever know. I HATE YOU for that. When you suddenly tell me that I'm cute or suddenly call me babe or sweet or whatsoever. I HATE YOU for that. When will I ever learn that you will never ever like me again? (idontknow if you have ever)This really sucks for me, I'm crying and tearing as well as praying that this will stop soon. It started all over again. Once, tears stopped cause it ran out, I guess now its back in stock again. This time its worse, I don't know why, my heart aches, literally.
WHAT A NEW YEAR.
I guess its bad thinking to turn away from cigs, back I'll run to them. ..

thoughts

I don't know what I'm after.
I just feel stupid and brainless when I'm talking to you(not that you're smart).
I feel like I'm just wasting my time on you cause you don't bloody care.
Do I not know what I'm after, or do you not know what you're after.
This time its not killing me inside, I don't know why.
I don't give a fucking damn. I don't know why are you doing this to me.
If you don't like me, please dont hurt me.
"don't play with me, my paper heart will break"-The All American Rejects
I'm confused. Am I that vulnerable. What am I that you can't be frank with me.
My friends tell me that you're bringing someone to join you in your emo-ness and sorrows. You think that Joy(I) is the one that you can pull along, cause I'm the one you don't know well and open to who you are and I'm the one that goes all soft and happy when you talk to me and I'm the one that you're not close too so I'm just the right one that you think you can try hurting cause I'll stay happy forever, no matter what and you think that that will not change in me. I tell you, Mr. Ong, I'm STILL HUMAN afterall. Please have some thought for that.
Trying to turn the joy in me?
I ain't called Joy for a reason. SORROW is such an ugly name!
Are you going to be happy if everything I thought came true, if you are, FUCK YOU, but I wouldn't mind if that just makes you happy.

Well thats just a piece of my mind. Darll just gave me another part of my mind, that goes against, a total opposite. Maybe I just don't, really don't understand emo people. I'm trying to think things out with me, myself and I now.

peace out

unbelievable

maybe you have lots of admirererss. with just that pretty face and that 'act-cool' friendly character of yours, attracts the many other girls in wanting to be your friend and having a crushes on you or as an eye-candy. WTF. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I actually believe you that you likED me. am I stoopit or am I just dumb? OH WAIT! they're both the same thing! alrightt. I'm both.{FOOK! I admitted. what have you turn me to?} Out of the others I know(guys-duh), you're the one that seriously change me. I'm not what you see me as. I'm the total opposite of what you think I am.(wait!! do you even know who I am?)
I dont know how and why I like you. you and I we're the opposites of each other! we have NOTHING in common! and you're not what I expect you to be but I still do like you.
"the opposites attract"-what a cliche
I know I'm bothersome all the time, msging you all the time, redundant stuff cause I want you to know that even if we cant get together or wil NEVER be together we're still friends. if you think I like my eye-candy YOU'RE CRAsY! I don't.
boy. I know emo's cool and 'in' now. but by not talking things out its bad! I know you dont want to talk it out thinking that how can mortals help you when are the ones that HURT you. if you dont help yourself who can and you'll never heal and open up to the new things.
you may say, "joy.. its not as easy as you think it is and YOU DONT KNOW ME." I know I dont cause you wont let me. And I still dont know why you cant treat me as a friend? and think that we must be in a relationship? I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU!
lets stay as friends.forever!
I dont mind you calling me dear(as a FRIEND), sweetie(as a FRIEND), pretty(as a FRIEND), baby(as a FRIEND), etc... WHATEVER as a friend... as long as we stay friends. so that you know you're not always the wall/rag-doll that people rant at when they need you and not there when you need them. and please don't treat me like them.
my friend. ((: